So, this blog can go anywhere, so where will I take it today? Let's talk about the title, "Another Urban Legend"...that can mean a variety of things, however, what it means today is that marriage, I think, is just another urban legend. Why?
I have a few happily married friends, and I'm actually quite happy for them. However, I am haunted about this joke I keep hearing on the radio along the lines of, "Why don't black women get married?" Although, I'm not married, I can't help but to think as to why it's just us "black women" who aren't marrying. Isn't the marriage rate at an all time low for almost everyone despite race? Heck, we all have enough problems of our own, that we should be marrying for economic reasons, but no one wants to deal with each other or each other's problems these days, and who can blame them? Furthermore, doesn't it take two people to get married, so shouldn't the question be rephrased?
Lets address a few reasons why hardly anyone is getting married these days (except the gays, they may just be in more stable relationships...some Christians are going to hate me for that, but it's becoming truer everyday). First, a lot of people, "friends", and or associates are getting all the benefits of a relationship without having a title (not even a boyfriend, girlfriend, domestic partnership, etc). Just living together and being accepting of that. Can't blame them, for some people, titles bring out the worse in them. My conclusion is that placing a title on something sets the expectation that one must live up to and mentally, they are not ready to, but they will "practice" all day long. You can practice all you want, just know that if you continue to practice and never make it in a game, someone else will be drafted and therefore, start in your place, leaving you on the bench or traded to another team (at that point, team has a lot of interpretations; single, lonely, looking, or settle, all teams that will forever have openings).
Secondly, another reason, I feel people don't marry is because of this new craze going around called "act like a woman, but think like a man". Who does that? Now what real man wants someone who acts like them and since when did all men think alike? Can you "think like a woman, but act like a man"? For me, that would be perfect, but again, who defines what what's a man standard actions and even still, why in the hell would you want to act like one? Ugghhh, but I will have to marinate on the significance of this new craze for a while and get back to you.
Finally, another reason that people aren't marrying is because the foundation in which they are building their so-called relationships are already flawed. Some of us, again, have been through so much drama, that you just don't feel like being bothered with it unless you have to, but who wants to? We have all had enough drama that we're trying to get drafted for team drama free. Its hard these days to avoid drama, such a baby mama's/daddies, kids, mama's boys/daddie's girls, and crazy exes. It's almost disheartening for this thing called love, because nothing is worth all the drama, so it seems. What I've realized is that you have to prioritize what you want, how you want someone to make you feel, and what you can and cannot tolerate, because everyone always comes with some type of drama, including ourselves. The fact of the matter is, you have to analyze what you want out of a relationship, set the expectation, and roll with it. Be cognizant of what's going on and be up front with your needs. Maybe then the drama will be the small price to pay for your ultimate happiness, your strong foundation, and maybe the blueprint for your future marriage...maybe.
