Top 5 Things Being A "Ride or Die Chic" Will NOT Get You...

So we hear the term all the time, "Ride or Die Chic", a modern day way to say "...be the Bonnie to your Clyde", be "ready for whatever", or be prepared to suffer through any and every trial and tribulation with your man, husband, boo, boyfriend, and/or significant other.  What they don't tell you about this role, is the things it does not get you.

As a woman, I tend to think that most women think like me, however, I know that most women are not blessed with a sinister and sarcastic mind.  The Lord, blessed everyone to be an individual, BUT, I do know that when it comes down to love, when it's real, or at least when we think it's real, we love hard.  We love hard, because we want our significant other to know, we will do whatever it takes to make our love work. Why?  Because being in love, feeling loved, making love...It all feels good...

With that being said, sometimes we tend to love the "Mr. Wrongs", the "Not Quite Ready(s)", or the "Needs a Little Work".  The ones that don't have their life together in some way, shape, or form.  Realistically, a lot of us don't, and sometimes when we are in the mood to love, be loved, feel loved, make love, or CONTINUE to love, we will continue to love and nurture these types of men, because we can relate to their inability to get their life in order or handle certain situations.  In a lot of ways, we see ways we can help them, better them, and watch them grow into the man we need hoping that they will appreciate all that we've done and continue to love and handle us the way we need to be handled.  We will do a whole ton for someone and expect little to nothing in return all for the sake of love.  

What I have come to realize is that these type of men do not need just any ordinary type of woman, they need a "Ride or Die Chic", although I have never known why.  They need a chic who is willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy, whether it be lie, cheat, steal, take a charge, or whatever.  They need a chic they feel they can trust, yet still break all the rules and have little to know standards when it comes to loving them.  They need a Bonnie, while they are out trying to be Clyde.  What they don't tell you is what being this type chic will NOT afford you.

The top 5 things it will NOT get you:

1. A good man.  If you have to do any of the above things for a man to prove you're worthy of his love and trust, he's probably not the man for you.  First, ask yourself why is he the person he is or how did he get to where he is today?  Once you answer that, you will probably understand why no one else wanted to put up with him.

2. A committed man.  The reason being a "Ride or Die Chic" will not get you a committed man is because once they see you will do anything for them when they have probably done virtually nothing for you or shown little to now effort, they will continue to test the water.  Nine times out of ten, you will stay with them and weather a dozen storms because you don't want all your hard work to be wasted or spent on another woman and you damn sure don't want another woman to reap the benefits of your hard work or the fruits of your labor.  They will continue to test the water until you put your foot down...then they will test it again...hopefully after dozen times, if not sooner...you're gone...then all he's learned is how to commit to someone else or an even bigger fool.

3.  A grown man.  This works in conjunction with #1 and #2, but being that chic will not get you a man who can show you the what it's like to be with a grown man, why?  Revisit the previous.  Long story short, if they haven't mastered at least that much, you can't expect too much else.  

4. A ring.  Beyonce said "If you like it then you should have put a ring on it..." and if you revisit a lot of your modern day relationships in which "riding or dying" was necessary (just tune into reality tv...I know it's not a reliable source, but it's still a source), you will see that being THAT chic has done nothing but create a band of bitter exes, baby mamas, angry black women, and not one marriage.  Hell, look at Jim and Chrissy...(love them but still...well she got a ring, gave it back, got it again, but it still hasn't served it's purpose so whatever).

Last but not least, being a "Ride or Die Chic" will not get you...

5. A man that will "Ride or Die" for you.  You'll find yourself doing all these things for a someone you love, and then think about all the things that they have yet to show you like love, trust, honesty, improvement, or any type of effort.  Why?  Because they are busy sucking you dry.  

To sum things up, if a man has the desire, the need, or the nerve to state he wants a "Ride or Die Chic", what he wants is someone who will put up with all his BS.  Someone who will play the role of his mama, in a sense (the only things you've done different other than NOT breast feed him, was be intimate).  Do any and everything for him, while he enjoys it, does little to nothing, and gets by.  You'll feed them, dress them, help them with homework or job applications, while they stay current on all sports events, hunting activities, and clothing trends.  They will allow you to mold them to be the man you want them to be, and then leave you to be the man someone else needs.  They'll never learn to do anything on their own like use a computer or figure out that paper job applications are a thing of the past because when times get tough, that "Ride or Die Chic" that once was, is still waiting off to the side where he left her, ready and willing to help him out, which is precisely why he wanted a woman of her kind in the first place.  You'd go through hell and high water for him and he won't even come off the porch or cross the street for you.  

Being THAT type of chic, never afforded any woman anything, and the only reason a man would want a "Ride or Die Chic" is because a REAL WOMAN is too grown, too mature, and too classy for that title. A REAL WOMAN doesn't want that type of man, and most importantly, a REAL woman, doesn't want that type of liability because he can't add to her assets.  That's why they want that chic, but being that chic won't get you anywhere, anything, or anyone.  

Exes and Oh No(s)

So I thought I was going to become a religious blogger, and instead I've become a "seasonal" blogger. However, I classify those seasons not as winter, summer, spring, or fall, but yet, in the terms of relationships. For my safety, I won't name them, but in reality, I just don't do any free publicity when it comes to my blogs. For the most part, if you know me, when I reference certain things they say and do, you almost always know who I am talking about.

I don't think I have done a real blog spot since moving back home, and with all due respect, I thought I'd be more dedicated now that I was back in "podunk" Valdookie.  However, for the sake of passing time, and developing new material and better yet, new stories for my blog, the Good Lord saw fit to teach me another valuable lesson before I revisited another blog to rant and/or rave about my grievances with my "Exes" and "Oh-No(s)" (get it?  X's and O's?  anywho...).  

Anyway, I thought it was fate that dropped #1 back into my bubble when I came home, I mean everything ironically fell into place.  It's like I said, spoke, or thought of him or his name at least 3 times, only for him to actually show up...baggage and all.  What I have learned that in this day and age, us women, unfortunately, have all determined that we all end up with someone with some type of baggage, especially those of us who don't have any bags to add to the mix.  It's unfortunate, but true.  We have come to accept that not everyone lived boring less dramatic lives like us without leaving some type of proof behind.  Truth is, our lives have probably been just as dramatic and in some instances, traumatic, and instead of the baggage (children, and such), we bring back the walls, the judgement, the doubt, the fear, the inability to trust, the inability to love, inability to think, and the inability move on, and I could probably go on, but you see where I am going with this.  We can bring just as much intangible baggage as the next person that has the baggage we can actually see.

Well I said all that to basically say, upon allowing fate to trick me again, I spent a good 4-5 months of my life with someone that I realized that after 6 years and a decade of on again-off again cycles, nothing, zilch, nada, ZERO has changed.  Same man, same baggage, different year.  I know I have blogged a lot about not "revisiting" the past, but just like anyone else, you have to respect the fact that I am still human and I will still do what I want until I get tired of learning the same lesson.  This was one of those lessons.  Believe me, it left me drained, but to finally get fed up and endure things to the point where I could honestly say, "I will never ever do this with YOU in any capacity again."  I'd say the lesson was worth it.  I think that what "fate" was trying to teach me upon moving home, is not to be thrown off by the passage of time, realize that nothing and no one has changed in your absence, and not focus your time or energy on the past.  It gave me closure on something, although it took me few months. It did teach me something that I already knew, which was to leave the past in the past, and allow the season to change, as does time, because those are
about the only things that are constant (meaning the change in time and seasons are consistent).  People on the other hand, the only thing constant about them, is that nothing has changed at all.