So I thought I was going to become a religious blogger, and instead I've become a "seasonal" blogger. However, I classify those seasons not as winter, summer, spring, or fall, but yet, in the terms of relationships. For my safety, I won't name them, but in reality, I just don't do any free publicity when it comes to my blogs. For the most part, if you know me, when I reference certain things they say and do, you almost always know who I am talking about.I don't think I have done a real blog spot since moving back home, and with all due respect, I thought I'd be more dedicated now that I was back in "podunk" Valdookie. However, for the sake of passing time, and developing new material and better yet, new stories for my blog, the Good Lord saw fit to teach me another valuable lesson before I revisited another blog to rant and/or rave about my grievances with my "Exes" and "Oh-No(s)" (get it? X's and O's? anywho...).
Anyway, I thought it was fate that dropped #1 back into my bubble when I came home, I mean everything ironically fell into place. It's like I said, spoke, or thought of him or his name at least 3 times, only for him to actually show up...baggage and all. What I have learned that in this day and age, us women, unfortunately, have all determined that we all end up with someone with some type of baggage, especially those of us who don't have any bags to add to the mix. It's unfortunate, but true. We have come to accept that not everyone lived boring less dramatic lives like us without leaving some type of proof behind. Truth is, our lives have probably been just as dramatic and in some instances, traumatic, and instead of the baggage (children, and such), we bring back the walls, the judgement, the doubt, the fear, the inability to trust, the inability to love, inability to think, and the inability move on, and I could probably go on, but you see where I am going with this. We can bring just as much intangible baggage as the next person that has the baggage we can actually see.
Well I said all that to basically say, upon allowing fate to trick me again, I spent a good 4-5 months of my life with someone that I realized that after 6 years and a decade of on again-off again cycles, nothing, zilch, nada, ZERO has changed. Same man, same baggage, different year. I know I have blogged a lot about not "revisiting" the past, but just like anyone else, you have to respect the fact that I am still human and I will still do what I want until I get tired of learning the same lesson. This was one of those lessons. Believe me, it left me drained, but to finally get fed up and endure things to the point where I could honestly say, "I will never ever do this with YOU in any capacity again." I'd say the lesson was worth it. I think that what "fate" was trying to teach me upon moving home, is not to be thrown off by the passage of time, realize that nothing and no one has changed in your absence, and not focus your time or energy on the past. It gave me closure on something, although it took me few months. It did teach me something that I already knew, which was to leave the past in the past, and allow the season to change, as does time, because those are
about the only things that are constant (meaning the change in time and seasons are consistent). People on the other hand, the only thing constant about them, is that nothing has changed at all.
